MomLife.

There’s a pile of clean laundry piled up on the couch, dirty laundry in floors and baskets throughout the house. Dirty dishes in the sink and trash over flowing in the garbage can. Books, paper and pens lay on the counter and a cutting board from making dinner earlier is prominently displayed on the stove top. Glass doors rest in the living room from a display cabinet we ventured to assemble and never finished, the dryer is currently on and I can hear the buttons on jeans hit every few seconds. I fold my husbands work clothes for him so they’re ready for tomorrow, send my daughter a text to feed the chickens and make sure the trash is out before she heads to school, make sure all the dogs are okay- doors are locked and all the lights and tv are turned off. This is a typical night…

Yesterday- I spent most of the day comforting my dog while she birthed seven puppies. Thankfully we ordered out for dinner but I was exhausted. And as usual- I was the last to go to bed. The first to wake up- I make sure my husband gets his lunch and a kiss with a “have a good day, love you” as he walks out the door. Today- I tried to clean and organize but felt as if everything was just multiplying before my eyes. I made dinner- some bomb chicken bacon salad lettuce wraps- and noticed my dog wasn’t doing well. After taking her temp and realizing she had a fever, we decided to take her to the emergency vet to make sure she was okay. We sat at the vet for 3 hours before taking my baby home. She has an infection starting so antibiotics and keeping a close eye on her until she’s better. I drive home while my daughter complains about being tired- like we aren’t all utterly exhausted. My husband just worked 12 hours- but hey, high school is killer. Anyways, I come inside, situate the puppies with momma and off to the bedroom to fix the bed for my hubs. (Its an OCD thing.) I come back out- pack his lunch- get his clothes- lock doors- turn lights off- check pups again- take meds- recheck doors and I decided to sit down.

Before I came out of the bedroom to do my nightly list- my husband told me he’s amazed by me and all I do. It’s such a small statement but it speaks so damn loud. As a mom, I would like to think I am a good mom, I try to ensure everyone- human and animal- is safe and healthy… happy and I put myself last. I am the last one to lay down, usually around midnight, and the first to get out of bed, which falls between 3-4 in the morning. I struggle to go back to sleep therefore I am up until around 6-8am and can finally manage to nap for 2 hours before getting up for the day. Then it’s feed the dogs, let them out, give them love, coffee for myself… that always ends up cold before I drink it.

I wish I was built differently. I wish I knew how to ask for help. I wish getting help didn’t make me feel inferior…

I am a strong woman…

Even if I don’t feel like it.

Every day my children go to school, I worry.

My husband puts his life on the line every day, I worry.

My animals cough weird and I worry.

I know God says not to worry- I haven’t mastered that one yet.

I just want to show up and kick ass every day. Not have my ass kicked by life every day. 🤷🏻‍♀️

But the laundry will wait to be folded-

The dishes aren’t going to run away and lets be honest- who would complain if they did?

These things aren’t going to change-

But I can change how I view it…

My house is lived in.

I have priorities and sometimes trivial things take a back seat.

We eat out, we eat well, the trash piles up but at least it’s in a trash can and not in the floor.

It’s time for me to rest.

My body, mind and soul.