So much has happened and I had hoped to have words to share but they never came. I felt a distance between me and the paper. A longing to just sit and watch the letters come together to form something that would at least mark the page to look back on later. I just couldn’t do it.
Over time I started to feel as if God was slipping away. My fire for Him was burning out and I wanted it back. He had blessed our family so much the last few years but my heart struggled with reading His word. Prayer has been my only consistency. I am pretty sure if God had a mute button He would mute me because I never stop talking to Him. I know God never leaves but I am sure you know what I mean when I say- I felt like He was far off. I have been praying for Him to give me that desire to sit and study His word, to help me long for Him, to see Him in the midst of the chaos we call life. But as you know, He answers His way, in His time.
Last week we had our Wednesday night study group at church and went out to dinner afterwards. Around 5am I woke up and was very ill. I was sick all day and night. I spent Friday sleeping and recovering from the stomach bug. Saturday I worked my long 12 hour shift. During my shift my daughter had called and needed me to fly out and drive her back to Texas with me. (I am not going to divulge details on the why of this as it’s personal.) So I did. I went home and packed a bag, slept for 3 hours and got up and headed to the airport. Upon waking, my throat was sore and I felt I was getting sick. “Lord, help me get through this”, I prayed.
It’s 4am and my phone starts ringing, it’s the uber driver. He tells me he’s dropped off his Tesla at the shop to be fixed so he’s in a silver SUV instead. “God let me make it to the airport in one piece.” The driver pulls up and I get in. Do you know how when you watch cartoons and there are the little lines coming up from something that smells awful? Yeah, that suv should’ve been driving with neon smelly lines on the top. It smelled as if he let cats use it as a litter box. “Breathe through your mouth not your nose, it’ll be fine,” I told myself.
I am not much of a talker at 4am. Pre-coffee really. If I haven’t had coffee, don’t bother. It’s probably a flaw I should work on…
The driver started talking. Non-stop.
In the midst of his rant on Teslas, he says, “So I forgot my wallet and I didn’t get gas. So I am gonna have to stop the ride early on my app to pay for gas. I am really sorry.” I acknowledge what he’s said and think, “weird.”
“Lord, please don’t let me die this way. Oh, he’s getting off the highway. God, this is the weirdest ride of my life. Lord, keep me safe. Please make sure I get to my daughter safely.”
This man is running full speed into the gas station to pay for gas and then comes out and we are on our way. His talking continues.
We arrive to IAH. He’s so enthralled in his story he misses his turn and has to go around the airport again. By the time I get to the drop off, I’m running 30 mins behind.
Walking into the airport, I see the massive amount of people everywhere. I look over to the time through TSA and the clock and panic sets in. “God, please don’t let me miss this flight. Let me get to her.”
Moments later, a man opens up an area behind where I was and starts waving us at the end of the line over to the pre-check area and we go through TSA there. “Thank you God.”
I make it to the gate with 15 mins to spare.
I usually don’t do layovers when I fly. But this flight had one and of course I land and the plane is taxing for over 30 mins. I look at the time and it’s time for me to board my connection! Again, panic. “God please let me off this plane. I can’t not get to her today. She needs me. God please.”
The plane stops and we are off. I make in time to get in line and make my way to seat. “Thank you God, I made it. Could you not let anyone sit next to me? I need to rest.”
They are about to shut the door and nobody’s next to me. I scoot over to the window and just relax. “God you are so good.”
I was scheduled to work Monday and Tuesday. I had asked my boss to help me due to the emergency situation we were in. I prayed and asked for prayer that the Lord would help so I didn’t have to call off. And He did. I was able to get one shift covered and my boss moved my other one. “Thank you God. You are with me. This is your plan.”
I get to Virginia and we eat and start driving to Texas.
I listen as my daughter expresses her hurt, anger, and frustration. Between her tears she has moments of “it’s whatever”. My heart aches for her and I want to be angry and side with the world who would tell her to be done with it all. However, I tell her that God is in control and He will prevail. I encourage her to not lose hope and just be patient. She drifts off to sleep and I just pray.
“God I am trying. Help me with my words. Lord save this situation. I know we’ve been through similar and you’ve brought us here, help me help her. Lord I want to do this right.”
I look up and I see traffic has slowed. The worship music plays quietly and I notice on the semi in front of me there’s a cross in the dirt film over the back. Okay… He is always with us. We need to leave it at the cross and trust Him.
We finally made it to our stop and hurry up to our hotel room. We longed for sleep. I throw my suitcase on the bed and put in the combination to unlock it and it doesn’t work. I try another combination. Nothing. Panic! I need my clean clothes. I need my stuff. What. The. Heck. I call my husband and relay the message I need the combination. My wonderful, always fiddling with things, teenage son had changed the combination and he couldn’t remember it. He gave me about 10 combinations to try and none of them worked. I am freaking out. I am so angry. I am utterly exhausted and my body is weak. Curse words fall out of my mouth. “God forgive me.” YouTube! I look up how to figure out the combination and after an hour of freaking out, cussing, yelling at my son and husband, just flat out sinning, I opened my suitcase. “God I am awful. Please forgive me for my words.”
We go to sleep.
Upon waking, my throat is dry, I feel off. Sickness is setting in. “God I need strength for this 14 hour drive, give me strength.”
My daughter is on the phone and she is frustrated and in tears. Praying God salvages this mess she’s in. I encourage her He has a plan. It will be okay no matter what happens. Doubt starts to cloud her mind.
We decide to grab food and coffee. I wanted to hit a local coffee shop so I looked one up and we headed that way. While ordering our coffee I look down and notice there’s a sticker that says, “sip to save” with a halo as the dot over the “i” in sip. “This must be a Christian coffee shop,” I whisper to my daughter. She then looks and notices a tiny little Jesus figure. “I think so,” she said.
When we get to the car I google it and sure enough it was a Christian coffee shop. “Alright God, I get it. You’re leading this. You’re in control. Thank you for the reminders.”
We hit the road. As we drive, the bug I’ve caught is settling in to make my life miserable. We end up stopping quite a bit to move and get drinks. I was so thirsty. The sun is starting to go down and I need food. We decide to stop at Cracker Barrel but before we do, my daughter made a hard phone call that went better than she expected. “Thank you God.”
We eat and are back on the road. My beautiful girl takes a nap and before we even hit Texas she gets a text and then a phone call. The Lord answered her prayer and the situation will be worked on. Her eyes looked at me with tears filling them, a smile slowly forms, and she is overcome with joy. She is relieved. “I told you, God has it.” She cried. We drove on.
A 14 hour drive turned into 18 because we stopped so often. I had to stop for a 30 minute nap as well. My body was just giving out. At 6:30 am, we were at home in Texas.
God knew she needed me.
My mother in law was scheduled for surgery the next day. My husband had decided that he couldn’t fly out for the surgery and his sister was quite angry with him. She had plenty of family with her and unfortunately his schedule didn’t work for him to fly out. I think about this because had he of left, I couldn’t have left to help our daughter. God knew she would need us. He is always in control and I am so grateful for how it played out. Her surgery went well, she’s recovering and she has plenty of those who love her around her. My daughter is safe here with us and will return to Virginia sometime soon. She knows we will be there if she needs us. That is something she needed and God knew that. God knew that my husband and I have dealt with things in our marriage that many haven’t. He knew that we had the ability to show her things can work out and glorify Him.
I am so blessed. It was a whirlwind week but I survived.
God is always with us. He is in control. Not us. I pray our family will grow in Christ and understand that His plan is beyond ours. We each have our own path and we don’t control one another. We are to love one another, show Christ in our actions, and stand firm even if those around us don’t like it. We will all face Him one day… what will you say to Him?
P.R. Brooks 